And, although, Jefferson may have known very little about the Qur’an at the time, the advice of this great man remains relevant to true lovers even after the passage of two centuries. Indeed, his advice appears to be in conformity with a similar one given to believing women in the Holy Qur’an:

“Ye shall certainly be tried and tested

In your possessions and in yourselves;

And ye shall certainly hear much that

Will grieve you… but if ye persevere

Patiently, and guard against evil, – then

That indeed is a matter of great resolution.” (Qur’an, Chapter 3,Verse 186).

In the preceding verse, the Arabic word Sabr implies many shades of meaning, which is impossible to comprehend in one single English word. It implies (1) patience in the sense of being thorough, not hasty; (2) patient perseverance, constancy, steadfastness, firmness of purpose; (3) systematic as opposed to spasmodic or chance action; (4) a cheerful attitude of resignation and understanding in sorrow, defeat or suffering, as opposed to murmuring or rebellion; but saved from mere passivity or listlessness.

When all these qualities are inherent in any romantic relationship, they would certainly save it from going down the drain. Our battles against the vicissitudes of life – having wealth and possession (and the lack of them), are all too well the means of our trial. In our personal relationships, the color of our skin, our talents, our knowledge, the opportunities available to us – and their opposites – indeed everything that happens to us and makes up our personalities is a means of our testing. To be sure, our Faith in God, our love for a particular woman or man from a different racial or cultural background is a means of our testing.

If lovers are unable to address each other with a soothing language; and can’t oppose obstacles that threatens to dissolve their relationship with patience; and can’t afford to accept racial slurs (because a dark-skinned man is married to a white lady or Chinese lady) with a degree of sang-froid; then mutual hatred develops. If one begins to wonder why he/she even fell in love with “that” white man or woman or “that” Chinese man or woman, then lovers begin to distance themselves from each other – due to societal pressure – the love that existed between them turns into a breeze that wafts it’s way through the window out of the marital home – as if it had never existed!

In the diplomacy of love, the nature and quality of interactions between lovers indicate the intensity of the existing love between them. Consider for a moment, what Diana – The People’s Princess had to say about the quality of her interactions with Charles – The Price of Wales:

“I threw myself down the stairs bearing in mind I was carrying a child,” she said, describing one incident (emphasis mine), Queen Elizabeth comes out, absolutely horrified, shaking, she’s so frightened… and Charles went out riding (emphasis mine). (MSNBC, In Tapes Diana speaks of marriage woes, 1).

In conclusion, we are prisoners of love. Sometimes we are held hostage to loveless relationships to which we have not contributed. At different stages in our lives, we all have to face the real world of romance – that could be unfair and unkind. One of the best ways to overcome these is to be diplomats in our romantic affairs – determining who gets what, when and how in this relationship.


MSNBC, “In Tapes, Diana speaks of marital woes,” [news on-line]; available from;Internet; accessed on March 6 2004, p.1 of 4

This author has been a true love advocate for over two decades, and has worked in various capacities to enhance true love and teach its meaning to various communities all over the world. He has been a Globe-trotter of sorts, and has visited many countries in Africa, the Middle East and Asia. He is a networker, a motivator and a writer. In the organization that he belongs to, they bring opportunities of Health, Wealth and Happiness to those who are ready to lift themselves out of a life of limitations and unfulfilled dreams. The writer totally believes in this statement by Zig Ziglar: ” You can get everything you want in life, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” In order to help you get what you want, you are free to visit this site to learn more,